This rain today seemed to come at a time calculated to hack me off the most. Rain, usually, is fine. I've been caught in two torrential rainstorms in my life, you know, the kind where it's pitch black and the winds are 50 mph and your winter coat weighs 40 pounds because of the water and it's hailing and for the first time in your life you're actually scared of lightning and you see it hit a tree across the highway and you're surprised to see sparks and green sparks and you're dying and the damn store and your apartment are at equal distance from your current location and nobody in the world knows you're here or cares I might add and damn it's so friggin cold and man just walking forward is taking tremendous effort and gah it's debilitating and you can jog but that lasts about 10 feet and you're not making progress in any discernible way and a car goes by and water on your face and the rain coming down in sheets and you've already been up for 25 hours with a 2 hour nap and you know you have to work a Friday night all by yourself with the outrageous busyness caused by horrid rainstorms and your clothes were soaked 20 minutes ago in the first minute of the rain when it wasn't even raining hard and soaked hardly describes the volume of water you're carrying around in a desperate attempt to make one more step then another then another agonizing over wanting and needing to be out and the lightning and there is NO place to hide from the weather and you can't even really see anything and the harsh hail and near-freezing raindrops slapping your face take your breath away every time and you're not crying but you're screaming and "ohhh GAHH oh GAHHHH" and how much longer how long will it take and another car and splash and why don't they stop and you know what's waiting for you is some mean pissed-off second shifters who will be leaving the store a disaster and giving you the evil stares of hatred and wishing they could smash you like the insect they think of you as and telling the manager how late you were that is if you ever make it and you manage to turn and manage to look and while you've been thinking you've only gone what 100 feet and now you're remembering childhood fearfulness not age 11 but age 3 and that lightning is just too threatening and you actually start to wonder what it's all for and at the end of your energy and your last nerve you sit down in the swirling mud and just want to die but not of hypothermia and not of a lightning strike and not of ever-enlargening hail to the head and not of a tornado but how about a nice lethal injection in a nice warm dry pleasingly lit room with a very solid ceiling wearing dry and lightweight clothes with no hail and not even the ceiling fan for wind and plenty of rest and no lightning and at long last instead of screaming you cry loudly and pathetically and you want your Mom and Dad and a roof and the weather channel and you stay there having the worst weather-related hour of your otherwise relatively dry and safe but still of course pretty awful life for quite a while and you're having a lucid hallucination which you guess is your grief-addled brain's desperate attempt at a defense mechanism... But other than that, I'm either indifferent to it, unaware of it, or find it a pleasing distraction. Today, though. We only get rain, what 2 days out of the year or something, and they had to pick this day? Llamas.
Saw a friend from a long time ago. No, wait. Not a friend. I hate him. Always have. This guy was never a good interface, but now, many years later, there is nothing in common. In fact, his people hate me and I hate his people. Yet I had to be in his company for 2 awful hours.
How about this? He showed me MOVIES of all the girls he's slept with (while he was sleeping with them). I couldn't relate. We didn't watch em all but he had a bunch. He said he likes to use a different tape for each one. I guess it's more special like that. It shows more respect for each girl. We watched quite a lot of one of the tapes. Now, M and I made videos. We even made a video of both of us and Case. Case was a girl, for those curious. But these videos (Justin's) were, um, not authorized by one of the participants. Further, he made it clear that each video pretty much signaled the home stretch for the relationship. He had dates on the videos, and rough numbers denoting "how long it took" to "get around to shooting the video". The one we watched a lot of, by the way, was in no way impressive. It was cold and disturbing, even without considering the nifty back story. And you might imagine, not "shot" very well. Plus I really would have preferred NOT to watch an excerpt from his sex life.
Well, so how do you act in the forced company of someone who nauseates you? Do you try your hardest to play along? Try and be one of them? Just sit there and shut up? It was the kind of situation that meant I couldn't just leave. Plus we took his car. He had the year 2000 analogue for "Whoomp, There it Is". The music was oh so bad. The sound system was ALL bass. He ran a red light, on purpose, perhaps to impress me and show me how he's not afraid of a stupid traffic law. Our conversation was wonderful. Never thought I'd have such a Jerry Springer acquaintance. Meeting his friends, including one dishearteningly oblivious female, was as bad as I dreaded. I was invited to hang out some more. My mind reeled and spun to come up with an excuse not to. I ended up stumbling over some line like "yo, I got dis hi-dolla ho ahm sposta hook up wit, nowutahmsayin?" Amazingly, he understood after I finally got it out. Maybe he's used to people busting out the ersatz slang like that. The puzzling thing is, I wasn't all that friendly to him, yet he was all for us hanging out the whole day. Clearly, even with my defensive act, I wasn't one of him, but maybe it wasn't clear at all to him. His friends weren't so blind and I'm sure they were all happy to see me go.
I figured out how to set up a message board. But decided against it. For one, there would be like 2 maybe 3 members. For another, I'd just get kicked in the face even more.
They dropped Tac Ops from GotY.