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now I'm at that age where no one pulls for you

and you want it bad whatever's left of you

never had the range to put it in my sights

never had the strength to pull it to new heights

if I sell my heart I'll leave it far behind

but if I could restart there'd be a spark you'd never find

I'm at an awful age

I'm at an awful stage

we don't stand a chance it's the death of true romance

when a glance was just a glance we don't stand a chance

I wonder who would win in a fight: me at 17 working at Arby's every day and walking to and from, me at 20 just moved to Denton playing basketball every night, me at 22 working all night at PJ's, me at 24 working out at Irving Fitness, or me right now. I guess I'd put my money on me at 20 just moved to Denton, had some real knots of steel even though I was eating like crap. I was angry enough.

Got drunk for the first time mid Summer 1991. Before 11th grade. Remember having to walk home several miles. Then sat on the front lawn, 3 in the morning, and laughed. Next day, still drunk, delirious, laughed at work, alot.

1992 Summer, Dad/stepmom get new house, 3 blocks difference, 2 in the morning, I wear all black, climb up to the roof, sneak back into the old house to retrieve 3 bottles of alcohol stepmom left in garage.

2000 I've had 2 beer cans/bottles this year. Months.

May 1998 M attempts to cripple me running over me with car.

May 28 1993 last day of HS, mom gone, Sandy Blaylock and her friend Denise (maybe) smoke joints with me in back yard after school. Starts raining (look it up, it rained that day), all the rain drops have names and I know em. Sandy: 5 foot 2 85 pounds shoulder length brown hair white skin purple lips eyes mostly white (but how?) and big. Intimidatingly precious delicate magnetic. I didn't kiss her.

August 99 headphone concert.

Sometime in 10th Lee Aiello but pronounced Ale-ee-oh gouges out Mike's eye, dirty pool, requires hospital assistance.

August 93 Dana Harper gives an ear licking I don't forget.

April 97 oysters really do do what they (people, not the oysters) say they do.

July in 98 fall asleep in the car on the highway goin 67 heavy traffic oh yah driving. Nobody killed.

Sometime 11th first half-ass die attempt (no success).

Middle Summer 1994 fling the Lincolllln off Watauga road into a ditch, get it out no problem nothing to see.

3: number of times in the 1990s I strayed from the cartogeographical triangle formed by Dallas Fort Worth Denton.

7: number of times I actually saw Pop Poppins, not including their break-up concert.

2: number of letters written to Kim Szatkowski before she informed me of her boyfend and boyfriend of me.

400: approximate number of CDs I'd amassed before Napster.

0: number of cylinders in my car's engine.