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Hey. Mike Tyson wants to stomp on your children's testicles.

Here be situation brief #4. And welcome to you. These are the dog days of Summer.

--The search for drivers for my new CD-RW goes on. I hate Sony's online support.

--There is a new television show in which the hosts make 'funny' prank telephone calls. The ad was almost painful.

--Well, A-Rod (Mr. 25 Mil a Year) has come forward to advocate drug-testing for baseball. Now A-Rod is big, and impressive. He looks like a superhero along the lines of Cyclops (the comic one with the incredibly cut physique, shapely bi and triceps, and the 'six pack' stomach, but not a Thor-looking monster body). They described his off-season workout routines--eight to ten hours of working out every single day--lifting, running, yoga, martial arts, swimming, etc. and a very strict nutrition regimen. But, he's not bloated. Look at guys like Maguire or Bonds now as compared to when they came into the league. They gained a foot or two of chest circumference and have arms like tree trunks. They swing wooden bats like they're toothpicks. It's hard to feel an ounce of sympathy for a guy who grosses $156,000 for one game of baseball. But, if I were A-Rod, I'd be looking at the Bonds and the Cansecos and the Maguires and my own workout routine and calling for testing too.

--Can someone stick up for world cup soccer? I know it's 'the most popular sport in the world' and all, but I can't bring myself to watch a game with over two hours of game time (~four hours of real time) and average scores of 1 to 0. The fields are huge, the rules are strange, and the scoring is extremely rare. Many games simply come down to a convoluted overtime series of goal kicks. The referees will extend the clock past the end of the half--what's the deal with that? What's really fun is when both teams get conservative and start concentrating only on defense. They might as well strike up a picnic out there in the middle of the giant field. I don't understand the furor (and the rioting and trampling) over this pretty sedate (read: boring) sport.


--Why do I never see China Beach in syndication? Maybe because it would repeat every three weeks. That was a dang good show.

--If you've not checked out CHICK PUBLICATIONS, you really really should. My favorite is right HERE, although THIS ONE is quite charming as well.

--New CDs. Flaming Lips, Strapping Fieldhands, and Cul de Sac. Maybe others.

--When Chelsea Clinton was thirteen years old, she once walked up to a group of military generals and stated, "I just wanted to tell you that my family doesn't like the military."

--Freedom Force turned out much better than I had thought after trying out the demo. I played through maybe two-thirds of it. There are really some pretty cool scenes and the Geforce 3 and Athlon 1.4 and 512 MB really transformed what was slow and laggy on my machine into a neat little interface. The awesomely cheezy origins are priceless! And you can really get lost in the world of Patriot City. It's not an RPG though. It's a tactical combat sim with a storyline.

--E3 happened. I didn't get to see the Extended Play special on it though. I'm getting a few PC/console game magazines these days. But I've had to rely on websites (I sure miss Daily Radar). Not like I can afford any games anyway. I did see a preview of Star Wars Galaxies. I'm not too high on SW right now, but that game features eight planets, each of which is the size of the entire Everquest world. They took the multiplayer out of Grand Theft Auto III PC. The cel-shaded Robotech game looks nice. And then those FIVE Unreal PC titles... Doom III is the darling of the show, though, and predictably it looks fantastic, almost unbelievably detailed and smooth.

--I was watching TechTV (which in my estimation is the finest television channel around) a couple of weeks ago. On the news ('TechLive') they had a family of three who are ostensibly the first family to have [let's face it] TRACKING CHIPS implanted in their bodies. They were quite cheerful about the whole thing and the possibilities and it almost made me want to vomit. All this optimistic talk about how in the future the chips will be used to keep track of people (which will aid law enforcement, help with kidnappings and all sorts of other crimes, prevent terrorism, blah blah blah yah right) and how everyone will be getting a chip sooner or later anyway so they're happy to be the first to embrace it. UUUGGGGHHH. I PROMISE you, I will die shooting before the UN or the US implants a chip inside me.

I think that's enough. I'm heading out to my favorite Hooter's today to watch GAME SEVEN of the Lakers-Kings series. This concludes situation brief #4.